STAR
Cover: Brad Pitt and Kate Hudson and Brad’s kids all frolicked on the Malibu beach together, and Star was there! Wait, no, it wasn’t. Was the mag told about it by one of the stars? No, huh? An eyewitness, then? Not exactly. The inside source is someone who heard that it happened. That sounds flimsy, but this is the same process that gave us the Rod Stewart-stomach pump legend decades ago, and we all got years of pleasure out of that, so …
Rainbow roots: Here’s something new: A special “who’s gay in country music” feature. Even more daring is Star’s answer: we don’t know. It’s a few people who outed themselves years ago (25 years ago, in k.d. lang’s case) and stale rumours about, of all people, Buck Owens. Granting that his name has a vague adult-film vibe …
IN TOUCH
Cover: Megyn Kelly’s arrival on NBC’s Today show somehow spurred co-host Tamron Hall to quit, even though it’s on for a staggering four hours a day. You’d think there’d be room for both of them, plus Matt Lauer, Al Roker (fat or thin version) and the odd full-length opera.
Ill-starred: I read the feature “Who’s the Most Annoying Celebrity?” but felt less annoyed than sad for Andy Dick, who years ago woulda not only won but campaigned relentlessly.
Getting needled: A feature on stars going overboard on Botox injections has few revelations but justifies itself with a pic of the disturbingly smooth, nearly featureless face of Gwen Stefani, not evoking “youth” so much as “an egg with eyelashes.”
LIFE & STYLE
Cover: The tabs complete their trifecta of iffy covers about blonde ladies. As payback directed at her ex Blake Shelton, Life & Style says, Miranda Lambert is touring a bunch of angry and sad breakup songs, leading one to wonder if the Life & Style writer has ever heard any country music before. She’s selling tickets and making millions, he's doing the same, but still the cover says this is about REVENGE. I suppose the headline “MIRANDA’S PROFESSIONAL SONGWRITING” doesn’t move many copies at Loblaw’s.
Fifty shades of pale: TV’s Bachelor Nick Viall and his final three sex-competitors unwound at season's end with a trip to Finland, where a snowfall made for a “perfectly white finale.” Like all the other seasons.
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