A month ago I broke up with my ex. We go to the same high school.

She recommended just taking a “break.” Within two weeks I knew it wouldn’t work, so I said I didn’t want to be together.

She came back saying she missed talking and being friends. I said that would be fine, if she could handle it.

It was OK at first, but she’d get emotional. She’d claim that talking wouldn’t take long, but ended up being hours, including suggestions of getting back together.

I was clear that I didn’t want to be together, ever, and she’d get angry. Later, she’d apologize.

I know it’s difficult for her and I want her to be happy, but she’s making me very upset. How should I handle this?

Messy Breakup

You’re being too clear just weeks after being a couple.

Being told “not ever” about getting back together can be a trigger for overreaction, clinging and even depression.

That’s why she’s grabbing every chance to push for getting back together.

Because she gets so emotional, tell her kindly that she needs to talk to someone for support about how to get over this. Mention her parents and her best friend as people who love her and want her happy.

If you feel her reactions are getting more worrisome over time, alert her friend yourself.

Then insist you two only talk once weekly and hopefully contact can ease off naturally.

But if you hear extremes of mood, inform her parents yourself.

I’m a man, early-30s. I own my own house and rent out rooms to my friends.

My roommate’s friend moved back to town two months ago for a job, and he’s currently living with his parents rent-free.

He likes to drink beer, watch sports, and hang out with my roommate. He comes over almost every night.

My roommate and I share food and drink costs. When his friend came over, we offered him one of our shared beers. Now he’s drinking a free beer every night.

My roommate informed me that his friend also occasionally brings a beer home and paid my roommate for it, for which he gave me half of the money. This guy then wanted to get in on our beer purchasing because we buy 24s and get a discount.

On the weekend, he took some of the beer he paid for to a party, drank it all, but wanted a free drink when he returned.

I’ve had enough of this mooching loser drinking my beer, watching my TV and sitting on my couch.

He has a well-paying job and pays no rent. I feel I’m being used so he doesn’t have to hang out with his parents in their home. My roommate feels a bit used too, and regrets enabling his friend to take advantage of me.

He talked with his friend who offered to compensate me for the beer.

I want to accept the compensation but not the apology and tell the guy he’s no longer welcome in my house.

He never took any action to correct his behaviour until we confronted him.

Or, should I just restrict his visits to twice a week, and no free beer?

Beer Upset

You’re all adults, not teenagers, and his basic behaviour isn’t going to change. He’ll compensate you, apologize, but still be coming over as often as possible.

And you’ll continue to feel uncomfortable about him.

Remember, you’re also a landlord, so you need to know what lines to draw with “visitors” even when friendships are involved.

TIP OF THE DAY

Don’t ignore heavy emotional reactions from an ex. Alert close support people.

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com.

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com.

Follow @ellieadvice.

Follow @ellieadvice.

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