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EAST CLEVELAND CITY COUNCIL Meeting Minutes 11 January 2017 Meeting called to order at 6:30 p.m. PRESENT: Mayor King Mr. Martin Ms. Thomas Ms. Graham Mr. Branch Mr. Earby Naked Self Interest General Sense Of Chaos NOT PRESENT: Mayor Norton (recalled) Mr....

Taking names and minutes in East Cleveland: Mike Polk Jr.

EAST CLEVELAND CITY COUNCIL Meeting Minutes 11 January 2017 Meeting called to order at 6:30 p.m. PRESENT: Mayor King Mr. Martin Ms. Thomas Ms. Graham Mr. Branch Mr. Earby Naked Self Interest General Sense Of Chaos NOT PRESENT: Mayor Norton (recalled) Mr....

Taking names and minutes in East Cleveland: Mike Polk Jr.

EAST CLEVELAND CITY COUNCIL
Meeting Minutes
11 January 2017
Meeting called to order at 6:30 p.m.

PRESENT:
Mayor King
Mr. Martin
Ms. Thomas
Ms. Graham
Mr. Branch
Mr. Earby
Naked Self Interest
General Sense Of Chaos

NOT PRESENT:
Mayor Norton (recalled)
Mr. Wheeler (recalled)
Any Semblance of Order
Grasp of Economic Reality

BUSINESS:
MOTION: To approve the minutes from previous meeting
VOTE: 5 in favor, 0 against
MOTION CARRIED

City Clerk informs council members that printing of prior meeting's minutes impossible due to city's Epson printer being out of ink. Not enough money in city fund to purchase new cartridge.
RESOLVED: Reading of minutes foregone.

Meeting interrupted by phone call from Cleveland Mayor Frank Jackson offering once again to incorporate East Cleveland into Cleveland in attempt to provide relief from constant state of turbulence, financial turmoil and chronic political mismanagement.
MOTION from Mr. Branch to: Hang up on Mayor Jackson.
VOTE: 5 in favor, 0 against
MOTION CARRIED

MOTION from Ms. Thomas to: Enact fourth taxpayer-funded recall election of Councilman Thomas Wheeler.
Ms. Thomas is reminded by fellow council members that third attempt was successful and Wheeler has already been recalled. Ms. Thomas admits mistake and withdraws proposal. Explains: "Sorry, force of habit." Council laughs.

City Clerk reads notice from Illuminating Company informing council that East Cleveland's electric service could be terminated at at any moment due to longstanding past due bill.
MOTION from Mr. Martin to: Address electricity issue by organizing covert night mission to run extension cord from exposed utility pole outlet in neighboring Cleveland Heights and back to city, then run all of East Cleveland power through cord until further notice.
VOTE: 5 in favor, 0 against.
MOTION CARRIED.

MOTION from Kelvin Earby to: Hire artist to paint regal portraits of all current council members to display in City Hall at taxpayer cost of $75,000.
Vote: 5 in favor, 0 against.
MOTION CARRIED.

Clerk informs council that East Cleveland's lone ambulance is broken down again and not currently available.
MOTION from Mr. Branch to: Send out city-wide email blast instructing all citizens to refrain from suffering medical emergencies until further notice. Advise that until ambulance is repaired, all citizens experiencing any early symptoms of heart failure should commute to within Cleveland city limits before contacting emergency services.
VOTE: 5 in favor, 0 against.
MOTION CARRIED.

Meeting interrupted when irate, hysterical East Cleveland resident bursts into chamber. Informs council that her elderly father was walking down street and fell into gaping, eight-foot-deep pothole. Miraculously uninjured but unable to climb out of hole on his own. Citizen says she tried calling 911 but phone just kept ringing.
MOTION from Ms. Thomas to: Call neighboring Glenville, ask to borrow ladder to rescue senior citizen/remove him from pot hole.
VOTE: 5 in favor, 0 against
MOTION CARRIED.

Call placed. No answer. Mr. Martin suggests Glenville might have caller ID and is intentionally avoiding call. Says probably sick of East Cleveland borrowing things and not returning them.
MOTION from Ms. Graham to: Dial *67 in order to block number. But says council must wait a while because calling back right now would be "too obvious."
Vote: 5 in favor, 0 against
MOTION CARRIED.

Lights go out in City Hall. Clerk sent to retrieve birthday cake candles from kitchenette drawer in break room. Clerk fumbles through dark, banging knees and elbows several times. Returns 40 minutes later. Meeting resumes under dim candlelight.

MOTION from Mr. Martin to: Find money in budget to lease Lexuses for all council members, citing unfairness of putting wear and tear on personal vehicles when conducting city business.
Ms. Graham expresses support for motion but says Lexuses should be pre-owned in order to limit citizen backlash. Mr. Earby and Mr. Branch voice disagreement. Wanted 2017 model.
VOTE: 3 in favor, 2 against
MOTION CARRIED.

Meeting once again interrupted by call from Cleveland Mayor Frank Jackson. Asks council members if they have considered all of the advantages that merging with Cleveland would offer their city.
When asked to list specific advantages: Mayor Jackson cited a broader tax base, street repairs, better policing and emergency response services and an overall upgrade in quality of life for the citizens of East Cleveland.
When asked to list any potential disadvantages: Mayor Jackson acknowledged that such a merger could potentially jeopardize the need for East Cleveland City Council to exist in its current form.

MOTION from Mr. Branch to: Hang up on Mayor Jackson.
VOTE: 5 in favor, 0 against
MOTION CARRIED.

Meeting adjourned.

Mike Polk Jr. is a Cleveland humorist who writes a column every other week for The Plain Dealer and for cleveland.com. Contact him on Twitter at @mikepolkjr.

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