WE MUST CLOSE OUR BORDERS TO PROTECT AMERICAN SALADS FROM ROUGHAGE-STARVED IMMIGRANT EXTREMISTS!

More on that later.

But first…

Like most Americans, I spent the weekend in my Söderhamn armchair, chewing lingonberries, nervously thumbing an IKEA catalog and fretting about my good friends in Sweden.

On Saturday, during an extremely necessary campaign-style rally in Florida, President Donald Trump brought up refugees from Syria and other predominantly Muslim countries that have fled into Europe: "When you look at what's happening in Germany, when you look at what's happening last night in Sweden — Sweden! Who would believe this? Sweden! They took in large numbers, they're having problems like they never thought possible."

Sweden! The president of the United States — who has at his command an elaborate intelligence-gathering system — let the world know that something happened in Sweden on Friday night that you wouldn't believe.

Swedes scratch heads after Trump says 'look what's happening last night in Sweden' Matti Huuhtanen

Swedes have been scratching their heads and ridiculing President Donald Trump's remarks that suggested a major incident had happened in the Scandinavian country. The American president now says he was referring to something he saw on television.

During a rally in Florida on Saturday, Trump said...

Swedes have been scratching their heads and ridiculing President Donald Trump's remarks that suggested a major incident had happened in the Scandinavian country. The American president now says he was referring to something he saw on television.

During a rally in Florida on Saturday, Trump said...

(Matti Huuhtanen)

Even the Swedes didn't believe it, because apparently nothing happened and they didn't know what Trump was talking about. It sounded like he was referencing some kind of terrorist attack, but there hadn't been one.

Former Swedish Prime Minister Carl Bildt sent this tweet: "Sweden? Terror attack? What has he been smoking?"

The Swedish newspaper Aftonbladet compiled a list of things that did happen in Sweden on Friday night, including: "famous singer Owe Thörnqvist had some technical problems during rehearsal for the singing competition 'Melodifestivalen'"; "Police officers initiated a chase for a fleeing Peugeot through central parts of the Swedish capital of Stockholm"; and "A man died in hospital, after an accident in the workplace earlier that day in the city of Borås."

None of that sounded particularly alarming. Clearly, the Swedish media was holding something back.

On Sunday, the president clarified his remarks by tweeting: "My statement as to what's happening in Sweden was in reference to a story that was broadcast on @FoxNews concerning immigrants & Sweden."

Translating Trump's words into English Rex Huppke

If you watched President Donald Trump's most recent news conference, you may have reached a point midway through when you thought: "That's strange, I don't recall buying a one-way ticket to Crazytown."

Don't be alarmed. That's a perfectly normal reaction, as most Americans are what I call "Trump-illiterate."...

If you watched President Donald Trump's most recent news conference, you may have reached a point midway through when you thought: "That's strange, I don't recall buying a one-way ticket to Crazytown."

Don't be alarmed. That's a perfectly normal reaction, as most Americans are what I call "Trump-illiterate."...

(Rex Huppke)

Ah-hah! So the leader of the free world saw something on TV and then, without engaging in the lame, liberal practice of fact-checking, dutifully reported it directly to a rally filled with thousands of supporters and covered by every major news organization in the country.

That is a great idea, except that the story broadcast on Fox News does not seem to line up with what the Swedish call "verklighet," or "reality."

Fox News host Tucker Carlson interviewed a filmmaker who claims that refugees in Sweden have led to a "surge in gun violence and rape."

That doesn't align with actual crime statistics in Sweden, and the idea of a dramatic increase in rapes because of refugees has been debunked. Sweden does have a high rate of rape, but that is attributed to a broader legal definition of rape and a higher rate of reporting among women compared to other countries.

Henrik Selin, a political scientist and deputy director of the Swedish Institute, told the New York Times that in a study of negative news reports relating to refugees in Sweden he found that they "were highly exaggerated and not based in facts." He also said: "Some of the stories were very popular to spread in social media by people who have the same kind of agenda — that countries should not receive so many refugees."

Martin Gelin, a U.S. correspondent for the Swedish newspaper Dagens Nyheter, said in a radio interview: "Far-right media in America have for a long time created a false narrative about a crime wave caused by immigrants and refugees in Sweden. … It's simply not true."

So if you swim only in the fever swamps of news sources like Breitbart — formerly run by top Trump adviser Steve Bannon — and World Net Daily and, in some cases, Fox News, Sweden has become a crime-addled land of rape and misery.

But if you venture beyond those bogs – or if you're Swedish – Trump's comments probably left you confused.

Not to worry. I believe I've found what's happening in Sweden that should actually be of great concern to all Americans: a vegetable shortage.

That's right, Swedish newspapers are reporting on a "Nordic shortage of Mediterranean vegetables."

The Swedish wire service TT News Agency quoted Jonas Andersson, head of fruit and vegetables for a grocery store chain, saying: "We see a continued shortage of leafy greens and several different types of salads, especially when it comes to the organic range."

So-called "media" in Sweden, like the English-language newspaper The Local, have tried to spin this veggiegeddon as the result of "an unusually long spell of cold and rainy weather in southern Europe which has delayed the harvests in countries like Spain."

But the fact that this vegetable shortage coincides with the existence of refugees from predominantly Muslim countries can't be a coincidence. Sweden is clearly being ravaged by radical Muslim refugees with an insatiable taste for leafy greens.

The Local reported: "To avoid the gaping holes in their fruit and veg sections, some stores have chosen to focus more on Swedish produce, filling their empty shelves with potatoes, carrots and cabbage."

Can you imagine? There is no way we can allow American grocery stores to fill their shelves with Swedish produce. Disgusting!

I call on President Trump to bring up these acts of herbaceous terrorism during his next critically important and not-at-all-needy pro-Trump rally.

It would be at least as important as sounding alarm bells over what happened in Sweden the day after nothing happened in Sweden.

rhuppke@chicagotribune.com

Twitter @RexHuppke

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