“Thank you for calling the Trump White House. Our menu options have changed so please listen carefully.

“For Mar-a-Lago memberships, press 1. Note that our annual membership fee has recently increased to $200,000, but you will still gain complete, unfettered, tax-exempt access to the president. You will need to have your Gold or Platinum card ready as we do not accept checks or balances.

“For distribution or purchase of Ivanka’s wonderful line of stylish clothing and costume jewelry, press 2.

“For really terrific licensing deals on Trump hotels and casinos, press 3.

“To speak directly to President Putin or his aide, Mr. Bannon, just keep talking. They’re always listening.

“If you donated to Mr. Trump’s campaign and are still waiting for the ‘quid’ for your ‘quo,’ press 5.

“For all other matters, please hang up.

“Thank you for calling Trump White House Properties, and have a nice day.”

Patrick Conley

Colville

Our editors found this article on this site using Google and regenerated it for our readers.