Earla Dunbar spent most of the 1990s housebound.
She’d leave to see her doctor if she had to, but it would take her a week to recuperate from a single outing.
“It would take all my energy,” she says. Her then husband did most of the errands. “I felt useless. I couldn’t go to the store to pick up milk. I was just in bed most of the time thinking I was no good and wanting to die.”
Dunbar lives with social phobia, or intense social anxiety, which was at its worst in the ’90s, when she spent most of six years inside her Toronto home.
“I was afraid that if I left the house somebody might hurt me. I was afraid that if somebody saw me they’d think ‘She’s stupid, she’s ugly, she’s not important,’” she says. “I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Back then people didn’t talk about depression or anxiety really.”
Dunbar, now 62 and in recovery, is the subject of In the Spotlight a documentary by Toronto resident Katie Cooper. It’s first Canadian public screening is Feb. 9 at the University of Toronto’s Innis Town Hall at 6:30 p.m.
A panel discussion presented by the Mood Disorders Association of Ontario and the Arthur Sommer Rotenberg Suicide and Depression Studies Program at St. Michael’s Hospital will follow. Registration is pay what you can. For information go to Eventbrite.com.
In the Spotlight documents Dunbar’s transformation from fearful, housebound woman to activist and public speaker. After decades of suffering from social phobia, Dunbar met Dr. Martin Katzman at the Clarke Institute of Psychiatry (now part of the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health) in 1998 and her recovery began.
“I remember walking out (my front) door — I was terrified, but I knew I had to make this one attempt,” she says. Slowly, after sessions of cognitive behavioural therapy, a form of psychotherapy, and at-home practice that involved leaving her house to compare her fears with the reality of her encounters, Dunbar was able to get out more and more.
“After a while it was like ‘Wow, I have my life back.’ I have freedom,” she says.
More than two million Canadians live with diagnosed social anxiety yet anxiety disorders have remained faceless since Cooper started the documentary nine years ago.
“There’s more awareness now, but there is still an urge to hide if you’re facing anxiety or depression,” says Cooper, who premiered the film at two American film festivals in 2016.
Thursday marks an opportunity for people struggling with anxiety to find strength in numbers, says Andrew Kcomt, research consultant with the Mood Disorders Association of Ontario.
“Seeing someone else go through that process and come out fairly well, gives people hope — ‘Maybe I can try, maybe I can take that next step,” he says.
Dunbar, who doesn’t called herself “cured,” started a local support group for others suffering from social anxiety that grew from a small gathering of four people to more than 100 in 13 years. Though the group has disbanded, others have popped up around Toronto. She hopes to start a new one soon.
“Life can be hell with anxiety and depression,” she says. “I want to be able to help people.”
Meanwhile Dunbar is working on overcoming another fear — travelling alone. “I love flying,” she says. “I could stay up on the plane and fly all over the world.” It’s the new place, the new people, eating at a restaurant alone, the solo navigation, that frighten Dunbar. Her dream destination? Scotland, where her family has roots.
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