"It is OK,'' wrote a 10-year-old boy at the start of his composition book.

He went on to describe how he was sexually abused by a "creep" during a weeks-long visit to his father's home on the Burns Paiute Reservation in July 2015.

He wanted other kids to know that if they ever become a victim of abuse, it's very important to tell adults.

He summoned the courage to tell his mom about it two months after the abuse, and though some adults didn't believe him, or called him a liar, he persisted.

On Monday, he sat in a federal courtroom in Portland beside his mother in the first row of the courtroom gallery, as his attacker, Travis Miller, 41, dressed in blue jail scrubs, was sentenced for aggravated sexual conduct with a minor.

The boy's grandmother read a letter her grandson had written to Miller, filled with raw anger and hatred for the defendant and what he did.

"You're a sick-minded creep that took advantage of me and my body ,'' the letter said. "I hate you for what you did to me. I hate you for being a liar and trying to say you didn't rape me or that I wanted it to happen. You forced me to be your sexual toy. I was a 10-year-old. You're a child predator.''

"I am so angry inside and I have so much hate for you that I can't stay focused in school, and I cannot sleep at night,'' the boy's letter continued. "It drives me crazy. It makes me feel angry, scared and confused. I want to hurt you, but I know that it is wrong to hurt people.''

The sexual abuse occurred over three days in late June and early July 2015 when the boy was visiting his dad on the reservation. Miller gave the boy alcohol and marijuana, and invited him to his tent to play video games or watch TV. What began as wrestling turned into abuse, with Miller showing the boy pornographic images on his phone, and then forcing him to have sex, and threatening to harm his parents if he told anyone, according to Assistant U.S. Attorney Jennifer Martin.

Martin sought an 8 year and one month sentence.

Assistant federal public defender Gerald Needham said his client was "quite upset.'' Miller also suffered similar abuse when he was a child, but didn't tell anyone and got no help, his lawyer said.

"What happened to him is the same thing that happened to Mr. Miller when he was a young boy,'' Needham told the court. "There's no excuse for what he did.''

Miller also was using alcohol and marijuana at the time. His defense lawyer urged a sentence of six years and six months in prison. He noted his client, who has two colostomy bags, needs surgery for his physical ailments.

Miller stood briefly and apologized to the boy and his family. "If I hadn't been under the influence of alcohol and drugs, it never would have happened,'' Miller said.

Aiken thanked the boy and his family for coming to the Mark O. Hatfield Courthouse in Portland, calling his letter courageous and powerful.

Yet the judge said she was concerned about the enormous hatred he feels.

"The profound level of anger and turmoil that comes through in that letter worries me,'' Aiken said.

She urged his mother, grandmother, aunts, uncle and father present to ensure he receives the needed counseling and treatment he deserves.

The judge, who has spent nearly 30 years on the bench, said that child abuse and neglect, whether its emotional or sexual, explains "90-plus percent'' of the people who stand in front of her in court facing criminal charges.

The goal of her sentencing, Aiken said, was to protect the community and make sure the boy victimized "has an opportunity to move forward and recover.''

Speaking directly to the boy, dressed in jeans and a black-zippered sweatshirt, the judge said, "This day is a day to put behind you and go forward.''

The judge said she hoped the boy might further build on his three-page handwritten advice, , intended as an aid for other children who might find themselves in the same situation he did.

"Sometimes the best way to help yourself is to help others,'' Aiken told him.

Chapter 2 of the boy's unfinished composition is titled: "don't be scared.'' On that page, he alerts kids that they might have to go to the doctor, and to the police.

"If you do, don't frek(sic) out,'' he wrote. He explained the doctors may provide medicine to make the pain go away.

"The police might talk to you about what happened. You need to be honest and tell them everything you know. ...tell them the truth so your sexual abuser can go to jail or prison for what they did.''

-- Maxine Bernstein

mbernstein@oregonian.com
503-221-8212
@maxoregonian

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